I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
