his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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