If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
