I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
