Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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