This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
