Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You took a bar mat shot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
