Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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