You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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