I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
