U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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