Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
