You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He better not be in your backpack
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
