Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no, he came in my armpit
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
