Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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