We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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