so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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