1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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