He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
