You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
