Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
