I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
