I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm like, not good at living.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
