I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
