i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
