sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just had sex bonerless
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
