This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
