she woke up with a sticky ear
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
