i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
These tits shall not be calmed
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