I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
