Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
