Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
