Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
