ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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