I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
