okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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