Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
