I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
