That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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