We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
