bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
