Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
