If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
