Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
