my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
