I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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