im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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