erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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