I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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