those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
